With a tearful smile, I fondly recall your little hand swirling around in the magenta paint. You were proud as could be to stamp your mark on the crisp white paper.

I find the past few days, memories have been popping up.  As the movie reel of life keeps rolling, a tearful smile slowly takes over my heart.

The movie reel keeps spinning whether I press play or not. 

It never stops and only allows me to pause every now and then. 

This simply means I need to keep moving forward as well, no matter how many times I try to stop time.

As a mom, sometimes I’m on my knees wishing for the days to rapidly fast forward or to get through a certain phase, but other days I’m grasping frantically for the rewind button to stop time and soak it all in. 

But I can’t stop life from happening and growing around me. Rather I need to embrace it and allow myself to feel it. 

Feel it. Really feel it and embrace it all.

So lately, I feel emotions, through a tearful smile…

As I reflect, pride takes over at the memory of how you once struggled through the torturous reading comprehension activities but still remained confident.

As I reflect, joy embraces me at the memory of how you persevered through middle school . You navigated with grace the days which overflowed with insecurities and those awkward moments of self-doubt.

As I reflect, strength surrounds me and reminds me of the day you didn’t make the school team but asked, that same day, to practice to improve your game.

As I reflect, happiness consumes my heart as I remember how you received accolades of praise from teachers about your kind heart and desire to help others.

My tearful smile, sweet child, is deep rooted in love. 

My tearful smile is pure amazement at how you tackle challenges, head on, with grace.

My tearful smile reflects the pride I feel for who you are and for all you are bound to become.

So as I gently wipe away my tears of joy, I believe for a moment, the movie reel has paused…

I can still feel your five year old hand, entwined in mine, swinging through the air.

But as the movie reel keeps playing what I truly feel is the warmth of a woman, holding my hand, who reflects inner strength, confidence and copious amounts of love.

I don’t need the movie reel to pause…

I simply need to live in the moment, holding your hand.