As she calls out to her sisters, “I get the spot next to mom,” my heart explodes with joy.

There is no greater place to be nestled then on the “comfy spot”of our couch, with the young woman who will be leaving for college in ten months.

So right now,
this mama is cherishing these small snippets of time
and holding on for dear life.

My mind can’t forget…I will not allow myself to forget any moment with her. The movie wheel of my mind keeps playing the last seventeen years on repeat. These memories are what will hold me together next year when my heart slowly crumbles to pieces and scatters around me.

My mind is already playing this movie wheel and revisiting all of her moments of childhood, when I see this young woman walk into a room. I vividly recall, sitting with my little girl, on the comfy spot relaxing after preschool, when life exhausted her. Learning her ABCs and swinging as high as she could on the swing set was all she needed, then a snack and time to rest on the couch and watch The Wiggles…

My daughter’s spot on the couch

was always comforting

This place on the couch was cozy, reliable and the billowing pillows wrapped around her filled her up with a love that was fierce. The comfy spot took her worries away, allowed her to let go, kick her shoes off and simply be herself sucking her thumb and holding on to her Piggy.

Once on the couch, there were no judgements, no should-haves or could-haves, just a place to rest her head before moving forward with the day. It was a safe haven where she could be wrapped up in my arms, smothered with my love, and just be.

The teen-age years changed everything

As a teen, snuggling on the comfy spot became far less frequent. The demands of homework, time spent with friends, and growing independence meant one thing, less time nuzzled into the comfy spot. It was time for me to let go a bit and move on while acting as though my heart was okay, but feeling a loss.

You see, life has a way of circling back around and these days I see her more and more often snuggled into that precious corner of the couch. Ironically the pandemic opened up my world as my four teenagers are home a lot more. The girls’ exuberant laughter fills the air.

I’m thankful for the priceless time in the kitchen, talking over chips and guac, the laughter while watching silly videos on their phones, and the quiet intimate conversations on the couch. These moments are etched into my heart.

I am cherishing this bonus time

So, when she screams out to her sisters, “I get the spot next to mom” my heart will continue to be filled with pure joy; joy for the past, present and future all wrapped up into this package of the time snuggling together. We get to share a few more months connecting, bonding and loving our simple, precious moments together. The cozy corner of the couch is once again her safe haven, where life just gets a bit easier.

This mama heart already misses her, knowing she is about to embark on her life journey. But I find comfort, knowing that each time my heart aches for her presence, all I have to do is glance over at the comfy spot and my movie wheel will start spinning, revealing her toothless smile as she sings the happy tune of “Lights,Camera, Action,Wiggles”!

This article originally appeared in Grown & Flown

Photo by Paige Cody on Unsplash